I Wished I Had Been Born a Boy

I am a 52 year-old woman and mother of four. A wife for almost twenty-six years but I wished I had been born a boy.

Probably until I was well into junior high and maybe even high school I was fairly convinced God had simply mixed me up with John Mark, the name my parents had selected if I had been born male.

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You see, I am over six feet tall and very large framed. I wear a size thirteen shoe. My hands are as large as any man my height. I was always told I had a pretty face but because of my height I was able to carry a lot of extra weight without looking fat and the fullness on my frame tended to make me look less pretty and just attractive. Still I never felt pretty or much less feminine.

So for many years I wondered. Did God make a mistake?

As I watch and listen to the coverage of Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner and the many stories of gender identification concerns, I wonder what life would have been like for me if I were growing up now rather than in the sixties and seventies.

Back then when a girl like me came along they called me tomboy. For the guys the term was sissy or girlie.

I suppose it was probably easier to be a ‘tomboy’ rather than a ‘girlie’ or ‘sissy’ guy but maybe not. Just like the guys opposite me, I was having trouble finding comfort in what God made me to be.

But that was part of the journey He had for me.

It’s a journey I am thankful was accompanied by parents, peers and mentors that taught me God does not make mistakes.

Life was very difficult at times and the scars of adolescent taunts, a very low self esteem and deep, deep loneliness took its toll for many years but that was the journey God had for me.

I am so thankful I was not approached by anyone that might have worked to convince me I was not what God made me to be and I wonder often, what if?

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What if I had been raised that the choices for me sexually were vast and practically limitless?

What if, in my adolescence, my deep loneliness, a girl had kissed me and I liked it?

Think back, to your own adolescence.

Remember how the slightest intimate touch induced chills?

What if someone of the same sex had touched you? Could the flutter and chills of your adolescent senses have possibly been misinterpreted? Leading you to a destiny not planned for you?

My heart aches for Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner and those who have walked a similar journey. If he were my friend or part of my family I would simply love him.

My concern is for what we are doing to ourselves as we seek to continue down a road that tries to recreate our lives into what we want them to be rather than what God created us to be. The road we are paving for our children is so confusing and hard and it doesn’t have to be.

I am so thankful my path was exactly as it was.

I am so thankful that eventually it was a path that led me to a man, my husband, that filled the deep loneliness with a love so complete I can’t imagine life without him.

I am still a tomboy. I struggle to identify with many of the women in my life.

I had a conversation with a co-worker just last year. I was concerned about my inability to connect with a couple of the women I was working with. I told him I could not understand why they seemed to not like me, why they almost seemed uncomfortable around me. His response still makes me laugh. He said, “Well LaVern, you’re basically a dude! You’re intimidating as hell.”

So still, as basically a dude, I am completely and fully a girl, a woman.

Fully and completely comfortable with who and what God made me to be.

I still detest dressing like a woman. I hate dresses and frills.

I spend as much time as possible in my favorite muck boots and weathered tattered clothes working outside, getting as dirty as possible.

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I love working with my hands till they are rough and worn.

I’m proud my hands look like hands that work, not like a man but like a woman.

A woman that may be a bit rough around the edges but make no mistake, still one-hundred percent woman.

The woman God made me to be.

Perfect but flawed.

And praying without ceasing for those still on the journey to find peace and understanding of their own flawed perfection and the perfect plan God has for them.

God Bless and Laus Deo,

LaVern Vivio

http://lavernvivio.com

June 4, 2015

PNG head shot LaVern

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Published in: Uncategorized on June 4, 2015 at 10:55 am  Comments (152)  

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  1. I just love this! Satan is the author of confusion, and will try to get us to doubt God’s sovereignty any way that he can. Surely the God of this universe made you exactly the way you are for a very specific reason. God bless you for loving and accepting the beautiful creation that He made you to be!

    ~Blessings!

    Liked by 14 people

  2. Thanks Laverne. From a fellow “Tomboy”. If we could just get rid of labels I think we would all be so much more comfortable with who God made us to be. Bravo.

    Liked by 10 people

  3. and from what I can tell and see a very beautiful inside and out.

    Liked by 8 people

  4. Liked by 3 people

  5. So happy you trusted in God’s plan. Life would be so much simpler if others would do the same. God intended us to be the gender He made us….there’s no decision to be made, for He already made it. Kudos to you for accepting His will for your life. And it’s okay to be a tomboy! 🙂
    It doesn’t make you any less a woman….maybe even more!

    Liked by 3 people

  6. LaVern, I love this post! And you are gorgeous!! Thank you for sharing your heart in such a sensitive and caring way. I’m so glad you’re exactly who you are!

    Liked by 3 people

  7. Reblogged this on The Stauffer Home.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. LaVern, I LOVE this blog post. People would probably term me a “girly-girl” because I have so much fun wearing high heeled shoes and I’m pretty sure that a Tiara is the most important daily accessory. (Gosh, I hope that didn’t make you stop reading.) But I’m always a little frustrated by what people term “girl stuff.” I don’t think liking frills or nail polish makes someone feminine, any more than high heels or tiaras do. I think we are feminine because that is what God made us– women. I hope you’ve found friends (male and female) who value you for your willingness to be transparent and your love of going all out on a job. I am glad you’ve shared this, and I KNOW you’ll be blessed by God for it.

    Liked by 8 people

  9. I LOVE UTurn Laverne! !! Brings back wonderful memories of my college days in Nashville at Lipscomb. Really enjoyed reading your story. Thank you so much for sharing. I have a cousin who is about your height and build. She worked on the pig farm with her husband in Franklin/Columbia area. She has 3 daughters with her husband.
    Again, thank you for sharing your thoughts!

    You’re right…..God doesn’t make mistakes!

    Liked by 3 people

  10. Interesting take on gender, it’s great for you to be a tomboy an yet be the woman that God made you to be. But it IS easier to be a tomboy than a feminine man.
    Interesting question for you. I was born with both XX and XY chromosomes; male and female, and brought up as a boy, but I’m now a woman. Does that mean that God made a mistake, or did God give me the ability to choose, or is there just no such thing as a binary male and female?

    Liked by 6 people

  11. You are beautiful and I always thought boys had it easier. ..weren’t expected to write neatly, clean house well, be good with other girls. ..etc.Even now if they house id’s dirty it reflects on the woman. ..

    Liked by 1 person

  12. I know you from traffic reports and CrossRoads Christian Book Store. I love your attitude about the situation. God is perfect making our unique
    path and our body. I agree we need love those that change HIS path.
    We are not perfect; only our the TRUE GOD and JESUS WHO CAME TO EARTH TO TAKE our SINS UPON HIMESELF TO ALLOW US TO
    BE THE ONLY TRUE GOD ONE DAY!!!

    Like

  13. Hi LaVern! Stopping by for the first time and have enjoyed perusing many of your posts and reading your thoughts. I think I traveled here from a facebook post and I am glad I did. Nice to meet you!

    Kindly, Lorraine

    Liked by 2 people

  14. Lavern! This is so well written and expresses what I think is the central issue of all of this…. God made us each unique, and while none of us are perfect, we learn to rely on and trust His view of us instead of what we may think of ourselves. The irony is, one thing I always loved about you at Freed was you were so comfortable in your own skin and were so much fun!! Blessings to you my friend. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. You are beautiful and a delight to read. Thank you for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Great article and so timely. So glad you spoke up. I also grew up as a tomboy and didn’t take that as a ‘put down’. I climbed trees, ran through the pastures collecting butterflies and such. I hated being in the house and still do. I was talk in my class, but not as tall as you. I hated being so tall because we were always lined up by height in school.

    God made me the way I am. He doesn’t make trash.

    Liked by 2 people

  17. I’ll always love you and that tomboy that you are. What I love most is the beautifully Godly tomboy that you turned into! So proud of you, Laverne!

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Thank god for your and people can change their name and their gender but when god calls them they will stand before him as the man or woman that HE created . A leopard can’t change his stripes it is what god created from moment of conception until he calls us home .

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Loved reading this. I haven’t seen you in years, but I always enjoyed our time together at Lipscomb in the radio department! I thought you were awesome then, and it seems that you have only gotten better with age! Just seeing your name brought a smile to my face! You go Girl!
    Robin Combee Tabor

    Liked by 2 people

  20. Are you in my head? I’m much the same as you. The thought of wearing a skirt & high heels makes me queasy. I’m much more comfortable hanging with the guys watching football than I am doing anything stereotypically “girlie.”

    Like

  21. Although I am 5’3″ and 105 lbs, I’ve always been a tomboy. I also like working with my hands, I like building (woodwork)! I’ve been told by several people that I have man hands, and that’s okay with me. I am more comfortable hanging out with my husband and his friends than around a group of women, it’s uncomfortable because I don’t care much for the girlie stuff. I am also proud of the way The Lord molded me! I wouldn’t want it any other way!!! But, it saddens me to hear stories like Jenners. I don’t really know what to think about it, other than it’s wrong. That doesn’t mean that they should be shunned or talked about by any means. That’s a situation where you show them more love and be an example, for them to see Jesus in you.
    You are a beautiful woman- God doesn’t make mistakes!

    Liked by 2 people

  22. Reblogged this on maloneyblog.

    Like

  23. Thank you for sharing.

    Like

  24. If I wear braces to correct my teeth, am I not being true to who God made me? What about when I got my deviated septum fixed to breathe more easily? How about when I got part of my toenail removed to keep it from growing into my foot and getting infected? We constantly make changes to our bodies, not because “god made a mistake” but because we are given the intelligence to improve ourselves and be better people. So this author decided to live with crooked teeth, OK. Does she have any business judging others for correcting their bites? Nope. Have a seat.

    Liked by 4 people

  25. Very interesting read. You keep speaking of “god” but you never clarified to which god you are referring. Is it the Abrahamic god? Ra? Zeus? Thor? Allah? Apollo? There are and have been thousands of gods, so you might need to clarify for your readers. And please keep in mind that whichever god you are referring to, most of the world doesn’t believe in your god, just as you do not believe in their gods.

    Liked by 1 person

  26. What an awesome testimony, LaVern. Your husband and children are blessed to have you as such a model of faith in God’s plan – even in the face of the devil’s incessant lies. Today’s society would tell you to fix or improve what God or evolution messed up because you didn’t fit into their stereotypical mould. You are exactly who and what He intended you to be. God is God – we are not. You are beautiful inside and out! Thank you for testimony. Glory to God.

    Liked by 2 people

  27. I am happy to see that more of us are influenced in a good way doesn’t matter if we are straight, gay or transgender.

    At the end of the day we all are humans and equals.

    Like

  28. I so hear what you say LaVern….I too was taller than most anyone I knew and wasn’t sure how to feel about myself and was considered a “tomboy”. I had 2 younger brothers and would rather hang out with them than most girls, till High School. Things began to fall into place then. But I have had the same thoughts that you had if I had been born now and was kissed by a girl…..jiminy, at that early of an age, confusion reigns…and Satan is the god of confusion, among a host of other things and runs rampant in this world. I thank God as well for the path that He lead me on and for the wonderful, righteous, loving, Godly parents and extended family I had. Thank you for this article….

    Liked by 3 people

  29. Not all women fit into the girly mold. I love to fish, shoot archery, am going hunting for the first time this year and still love the girly stuff like baking cakes and cookies. My sister is the same way. She is about 6 feet tall and I am much shorter but we don’t dress in frills or lace and I have very few dresses and hoodies are my middle name. Tbh I don’t care what other women think. Most of my best friends through life have been guys.

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Awesome, before I read this I was thinking how we should be grateful for who we are in Christ and the person He made us and bam I opened your blog. You go girl I am a tomboy too but totally the woman God made me! God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. I always said as a child that I wanted to be a boy. I was a tomboy and hated wearing dresses. At that time little girls wore dresses to school. Mine always had shorts under them so I could play rough and not expose my panties. That was my main complaint I just wanted to wear pants to school. Finally in high school the requirements changed and I was able to wear jeans to school. Even now I wear jeans or slacks as much as possible. I do have dresses and will wear them if the occasion calls for it. But I am very happy being female but I prefer to be comfortable in my clothes. So I never thought God made a mistake with me, I always knew it was society’s dress code I didn’t like. Its very hard to rescue dogs and cats and train horses in a dress!!

    Liked by 2 people

  32. You are beautiful! Your testimony is so powerful and clear.

    Liked by 2 people

  33. My goodness, I thought you were talking about me. Tall, big hands, no frilly stuff, tattoos, been riding my own motorcycles 40 yrs now. But very much a woman of God and who God made me to be. Always thought I was to be born in the Annie Oakley days, I would have fit in. Thanks for the great story.

    Liked by 2 people

  34. I am by no means questioning Gods work.I just wonder, if being born without legs or arms or intestins on the outside of your stomach,or with holes in your heart,are these type things Gods work?
    I certainly do not think so.I just can’t come up with why these things happen.
    I suppose these type things are we are allowed to ask when we meet our maker.Peace and love to all,even if you don’t believe.;)

    Liked by 1 person

  35. Amen! Excellent explanation! Enough said! God Bless you indeed! His Forever, Ellen Harlow. <

    Like

  36. Laverne, we have loved listening to your traffic reports over the years though we live in a small town way south of you. In the dude thing? Naaaa, you are 100% woman and very pretty by you picture. But better still you are Settled in the providence of God, secure in His predestined purpose of what He has made you. God bless you.

    Liked by 1 person

  37. Beautifully written. God is perfect and he makes no mistakes.

    Liked by 2 people

  38. You

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  39. Awesome Post! God has never made a mistake. Satan tries and tries to lie and make it appear that God has, But in fact it is Satan that lied. He brought the thoughts, the temptations, the what if’s. He is working harder and harder these days because he knows he is nearly out of time. The Earth is moaning, and his time is nearly up. Why wouldn’t he be doing all he is doing. Thank you for taking a stand! You are beautiful!

    Liked by 3 people

  40. What statement for this period in time! We share Aunt Nell. Rob was my dad’s brother. Your blog post brought a tear to my eye and took me back to high school when Clarene and I were good friends. We were Mutt and Jeff! I stretch to be 5’1″ so you can picture us as we walked together. Our peers had names for us that weren’t flattering because they were based on physical traits. I am married to a 6’6″ guy now and still get remarks but I’ve learned that’s just life. He can reach top shelves but I get things from the bottom ones! I had 4 brothers so I learned to roll with it. Yesterday I worked reclaiming old bricks that I will use for some project yet to be determined and some of my like aren’t ‘feminine’ for a 75 year old woman. When I get to heaven I’m gonna be tall and sing beautifully or maybe not!

    Like

  41. Beautiful!! Glad you shared your story of life

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  42. You are a beautiful woman, inside and out! Your story is so touching. I wish everyone could read this, especially any parent who is raising a child that is experiencing those same feelings. I think allowing your child to take on the role of the opposite sex is a terrible injustice to the child. It’s almost like telling the child, yes, you are God’s mistake so let’s fix it. God does not make mistakes. Each of us is unique and perfectly made, just the way God intended. Thank you for sharing!

    Liked by 1 person

  43. I’m 5’2″ and was a tomboy as well, hated dresses, thought boy toys were better and loved being outside doing anything. Still do. Have been accused of being intimidating and bossy. Hate dressing up. Thought many times it would be easier to be a man. But, I am a woman so that is what I have to be and what God intended. Probably a lot of guys out there think it would be easier to be a woman!

    Like

  44. Why do you say it’s okay how Bruce lives his life. You would not say anything about how he has hurt God and his family? He has been unfaithful to his wives with other women? I don’t understand….

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  45. Thanks so much for sharing this…I’m 5’11″1/2″……have always been a tom-boy…have hands toughened for hard work (one I shook the hand of a man before getting ready to ride his horse on a vacation and he stopped and said”wow.you are a worker”-thing is ..I never even thought about my hands until that event…then I looked at other women’s hands and wow what a dif…oh well…I am a mom..wife to a great man…artist…horse rider..trainer…dog lover..God lover…sister..daughter..can pic up as much hay out of a field as the guys…gardener…and tomboy too…lol…i totally relate to your story and thankyou for sharing it sooooooo much…Sincerely, Donna:)

    Liked by 1 person

  46. I felt the same way, and never was really comfortable as a woman until i met my husband. Now i’m a wife, a mother, i work on a dairy, all my co-workers are men, and i’m happy being me.

    Liked by 1 person

  47. This may be the best article I’ve read about the Jenner situation so far..simply because it is written thoughtfully, empathetically, and without judgment. It is simply an “I understand” and “But for the grace of God, there go I.” We are all sinners and have fallen short. We may at times have also been one choice away from making a devastating, life-changing decision. Bruce is fearfully and wonderfully made, but also human and broken and hurting. I too would love him and welcome him. Like many of us, he may have believed a lie that who he was wasn’t right or enough. Thank you for you testimony. 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  48. Love the post!!! And BTW you are BEAUTIFUL! I am leading my own “tomboy” down her own path of learning to love herself as God made her! Fearfully and WONDERFULLY made by a God who knows EXACTLY what He is doing! God Bless!!

    Liked by 2 people

  49. Thank you for writing this! I have a daughter who came to me when she was 2 and said “mom, I think I’m a boy” I gently explained that she was not and told her that whatever she did: sports, toys, job choices she was still a girl but she was not required to dress or act a certain way. Manners applied, she didn’t wear frilly clothes but she grew into a beautiful lady, much like you have. She still likes “boy things” better than “girl things” but she is most definitely were God has brought her and wanted her to be. God bless you!

    Liked by 1 person

  50. LaVern, you are a beautiful type 3 woman. Check out the book It’s Just My Nature by Carol Tuttle. It will completely change the way you view yourself and allow you to feel 100% confident and comfortable with your type of femininity. I had the opposite problem of being an incredibly “weak” and “super girly” female who was made fun of for my extreme sensitivity to everything in the world around me. Now I know that I am just a type 2 woman and I am perfect just the way I am. Btw, just as there can be type 3 women in the world, there can also be type 2 men who struggle with not being “manly enough” for the world’s standards. I highly recommend that book to anyone who wants to completely and totally accept themselves and others around them. This book changed my life.

    Liked by 1 person

  51. What you talking about? Your BEAUTIFUL!!!!

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  52. Love your story & you are beautiful just the way GOD intended.May God bless you always.

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  53. LaVern,

    Many years back, say 1975-ish, on the way to “make nice” with my stepmother (no, didn’t really work out) at a particular intersection in So Cal I remember exactly to this day, a spontaneous question/prayer popped into my (mostly still empty :)) head. “Lord, why did you let mom die?” (on my 9th b-day)

    As clear as if He were sitting next to me He replied, “You would not have come to me if I had not allowed that to happen.”

    Oh..Change in perspective from self pity to Romans 8:28.

    The pain brought great blessing.

    Soli Deo gloria.

    Doug

    PS – Came here from TheBlaze article.

    Like

  54. Laverne…. what you said was so beautifully written. I have some idea of what you mean…. I love being a woman…but there are parts that I truly understand about you. I love woodworking…my mother bought me a doll and I never played with the thing. I did sewing..crocheting but my heart is in doing what is considered today mostly “men’s” work, I suppose. I love fixing up houses… no,, not actually the decorating but putting down ceramic floors, painting, whether it be the cabinets after doing the sanding; putting in windows, doors. I have replaced plumbing under the sinks. I love this stuff. My husband did not. It was my table saw…and band saw.. but everyone thought it was his and he was doing all the work on our house. I have never really wanted to be a man.. not really. And, God do not make mistakes…. EVER! or HE would not or could not be GOD. Thank you for your article… You look great… Wish I knew you in person. God bless and hugs from afar.

    Liked by 1 person

  55. I really love and appreciate this. I shared it on Facebook and you won’t believe the response from a friend that I got. I will copy and paste it here: Lorie Ard Levie Yes! Let’s celebrate who God made us smile emoticon

    If god really made her a boy inside then he should have the liberty from society to live as God made him….See More
    Like · Reply · 2 hrs · Edited
    Susan Abbott Jensen It’s a combination of the outside and inside. God made her female. Did you read this? Why can’t people be happy with who they are instead of thinking they have to change their sex? You can never really change that and it was never meant to be changed. Celebrate who you are and find your purpose. Stop trying to change what God intended for your life.
    Like · Reply · 1 · 1 hr
    Lorie Ard Levie I did read it.

    I’m sad that she didn’t feel she could be who she was inside due to society.
    Like · Reply · 57 mins
    Susan Abbott Jensen She is saying she is happy she didn’t live in the society we are now or she would have been pushed to be somewhere is not- a man. She is a woman. You are saying she shouldn’t be a woman. As though there is only one female type. As though a woman has to be dainty and girly with frills and pink. Let her feel free to be a strong female without saying she should be something she is not- male
    Like · Reply · 39 mins
    Lorie Ard Levie I’m only saying what she said
    Like · Reply · 36 mins
    Susan Abbott Jensen You are not hearing her Lorie. You are hearing what you want to hear. She is grateful she was not pushed that way. She is grateful to be a woman, a mother, a wife. She is grateful to know God made her to be her not him.
    Like · Reply · 34 mins
    Katrina Jensen Romney Just because she had doubts when she was a child doesn’t mean that she would have been happier as a boy. As she matured she realized that she was happy as a girl, just didn’t want to be the same kind of girl that some of us are. If every person who eve…See More
    Like · Reply · 30 mins · Edited
    Susan Abbott Jensen I agree Katrina! Well said and thank you for saying it!
    Like · Reply · 1 · 30 mins
    Lorie Ard Levie We are both selectivity hearing what she’s saying.
    Like · Reply · 7 mins

    Susan Abbott Jensen Actually that is not true. I am hearing just what she said. She wrote it and said it and you are changing her meaning Lorie

    Like

  56. What a wonderful article, and I am so glad you shared something so personal. And for what is worth, I think the majority of girls growing up don’t think they are pretty, feel awkward, etc., but we each think that the other girls aren’t going through the same thing–not to belittle what you went through as I am sure it was harder than most. And I just have to say, like most girls, you grew up into a beautiful woman!

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  57. I love this too! Thanks for being so candid.

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  58. Miss LaVern, I think you have an amazing testimony!! You’re beautiful inside AND out. God will use your life, to help others who feel that they may not fit into the “girly” or “manly” mold of our society. I think its hard for other woman bcuz your strong. Sum times ppl avoid, wat they dont understand?!! Im so glad u chose to identify with yourself, as God intended. Fully WOMAN!! Lol. I think u rock. Thanx for honesty in sharing ur feelings n thoughts. God bless u, sister. Xoxoo

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  59. LaVern, your article is wonderful. I am a lot like you. I have always been called a tomboy, even as a highschool teacher my students still call me a tomboy. I have always worked outside with my father and my older brother worked inside with my mom. When my brother came out to be gay, it made me wonder if we were just switched since our roles as son and daughter have always been reversed. He was always the brain that liked name brand clothes; I was always the athlete who didn’t care about fashion. I still go back home just to help my dad haul hay, build a barn, or weld on the fence and I honestly love it. My family tells me I work harder than most men they’ve seen and it’s a compliment to me. The term tomboy will never offend me. I am fully woman, yet I’m just as good as any man out there too! Thanks for empowering people to be exactly who they were made to be, even if it doesn’t fit society’s mold for us.

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  60. You are a lovely woman, nothing wrong with working with your hands…..talent comes in many packages……

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  61. So pretty & intimidating….love your post! God doesn’t make mistakes.

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  62. I am 5’4″ 130 lbs 63 year old mother.. never have felt pretty or dainty though my husband of 35 years would call me petite and attractive. This world standards of what one should feel or think or be changes all the time. We are created in His image and I like you am glad He has a plan and does NOT make mistakes. We are His beautiful daughters ..Thanks for posting

    Liked by 1 person

  63. Reblogged this on jisbell22 and commented:
    Powerful testimony that God does not make mistakes

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  64. You don’t look masculine to me and don’t be so hard on yourself you are very pretty

    Liked by 1 person

  65. LaVern thank you so much for sharing this. I too had issues of being treated like a “dude” but I was small and tom boyish. God created me to be a beautiful woman and one who also is glad I grew up when I did. Thanks LaVern. I know we don’t know each other but I love you in the Lord. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  66. I’m not a girly girl either I like to hunt,fish, camping,ride my horse,drive the tractor,and go mudding. I’m a jeans and tshirt kinda girl. I’m a plain Jane country girl. I very seldom dress up or wear makeup the only time you will see me in a dress or skirt is at church the rest of time I’ll be in my jeans. I’m a wife and mother of 2 beautiful rambunctious kids and I don’t have masculine features but I’m a tomboy I enjoy being outside with my family and animals. BTW I enjoyed your article

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  67. I was never a girly girl either. I only had brothers and we lived on a farm and had no girls to play with. The neighbor girl invited me to play one afternoon,(she was about 3 years younger than I and I was 12). She wanted to play dolls and I had no idea how to play dolls. She had several with tons of clothes. I don’t remember if we played or not. My mom always wanted a girl but all she got was me. It wasn’t until I was in my late 50s and early 60s that I began to play with dolls (Making doll clothes for my granddaughters, that was my excuse.) I loved this blog. And I think you are beautiful. I build or I should say have built “antique” cupboards for my home. I can’t do that any more. I’m 75 and having health problems.

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  68. Thanks for sharing this perspective. It’s very comforting to hear right now. You are gorgeous!

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  69. Wow, you’re beautiful! And your husband is blessed to be married to a woman with so much self-confidence.

    Liked by 1 person

  70. Nail polish, shoes, and other things marketed as “feminine” is just that, MARKETING. It is a means for people to make money off of you. Being feminine is not what you buy, it is who you are. Thank you for your story!

    Liked by 1 person

  71. I just wanted to tell you that I love you Lavern. You are a true light bearer .

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  72. Love your honesty. I love to work with my hands too. I love power tools, the impact driver is my favorite! Kinda a tomboy as well. Adolescence is a confusing time and Satan certainly takes advantage of that and our insecurities not matter what age. BUT God does know what He’s doing and His was is best. Great post.

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  73. Hi – I just read your post from a link to it shared on facebook by a friend of mine in the Dallas area. You are beautiful!!!

    I’m going to share your story, too, because it SO exemplifies how God, in His Infinite wisdom, created each & every ONE of us as unique individuals to radiate His glory through our lives devoted to Him with every single person we meet throughout our live. You are a shining example of doing that & I highly commend you for it!!

    I’ve always been more set apart from most women because of my intellect & ever inquiring mind, searching through the deeper issues in life to try to find answers, so as to live a life more meaningful and productive. I’ve always been more drawn to men – in the ways they think, act & live. I felt very much a misfit growing up in a small town in west Texas, but now in my “elder” years, I am completely fulfilled & happy as a woman of God.

    I found deep abiding love in my 30s and was close friends with the man (I met him when I first went to work at 34 for a daily newspaper) for 12 years before we could be married. We married on my 46th birthday & every day since has been better!!

    I pray that God richly bless you in your daily walk with Him. I pray for you & your family and in all of your endeavors. You have a quick mind & captivating heart and story. May He grant you a long life on this earth!!

    CHEERS!!

    Dee

    Liked by 1 person

  74. Excellent post – I appreciate it so much! We all have different struggles in life and trusting in God, we will overcome them.
    You’re a beautiful lady! Stay rough around the edges!

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  75. Well spoken Let’s keep Bruce in our prayers!

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  76. I so enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.

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  77. Loved this – thanks for writing it!

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  78. It is difficult to imagine a life experience beyond your own. The automatic assumption is that everyone else feels the way I feel.
    This isn’t true.
    Your story in no way reflects the thoughts and feelings of any Transgendered person I’ve ever met, read about or, hey, there are even movies on the subject if you don’t like to read. Clearly, you didn’t even bother to google the subject. You applied your heartfelt assumptions to a people you do not know and do not understand to lead your readers to a false conclusion. In lay terms this is called a lie.
    You’re not transgendered. You know nothing of what they think and feel. I’m pretty sure God didn’t come down and share with you the secrets of the universe either, but thats another matter.
    What you’ve done here is wrong, but you don’t have to take my word for it…
    Matthew 6:5
    Luke 6:37
    Matthew 7:1
    Mathew 25:40
    James 4:12
    Exodus 20:16
    John 8:7
    Thessalonians 4:11

    Liked by 3 people

  79. A thoughtful and insightful piece.

    In case you are not aware, many people who are transgender prefer to be called by their chosen name and pronouns. Insisting on calling someone by their original name/pronouns can come off as being offensive.

    Which segues nicely to a larger point: we don’t get to determine what the right choices for everyone are. Caitlyn Jenner’s life struggles are her own. Your life struggles are you own. Each person has the right to respond to these challenges how they best see fit and all we can do is accept people for who they are.

    It’s great that you’ve found happiness in being the person you believe God wants you to believe, but let’s not negate the struggles of others.

    Liked by 3 people

  80. Awesome testimony!

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  81. Thank you, Lori Roeleveld shared this on facebook. This is beautifully said.

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  82. Oh My goodness. Has no one ever told you that you are normal? I know very few women who aren’t tomboys, and who don’t prefer working outside. That coworker you asked, is not your friend, and the women are jealous because they perceive you as having something they don’t. They don’t know what it is, so you will never know either. Just be yourself, and be kind. If you are happy with yourself most others will come around and love you for who you are.

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  83. Great article. Last week my wife painted my toenails pink while I was lying down… for fun. My kids were so alarmed because of the bruce jenner recent events. When I was quite young my sister dressed me up as a girl with full makeup snd lipstick. The photos still linger. I completely agree, you are what your creator has created! Why has society become so liberal….why not, then legalize getting married to a goat because that’s what you feel you are? I think people just convince themselves of what THEY WANT TO BELIEVE as their identity.

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  84. I think you are a pretty woman. I am very handy and have some masculine attributes. I can fix things & I’ll catch a snake and move him to a safe place. Love outdoors mud and muck are not a problem. My husband thinks it is great lol.

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  85. Thank you. Thank you.
    God does not make mistakes or junk!!
    God bless you in all ways.

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  86. Thank you for writing this- This is my story too! Except I am 43, married 20 years and mother of 3. I have struggled to put these exact thoughts into words, have tried several times but never to my satisfaction. Am so very thankful that I had people in my life that spoke Truth to me, so thankful I was not raised in today’s society because I think I would have probably jumped on that bandwagon, just because Satan can use ignorance and immaturity to achieve his ends.

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  87. What a beautiful story of your journey along God’s path. We don’t know the turns or the destination, but He does, and if we trust in Him and His perfection it will all work for our good in the end. The bible tells us so. Thank you so much for sharing your words. You are beautifully and wonderfully made by God 🙂

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  88. you are beautiful! thank you for sharing.

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  89. Great article. However seeing the last picture…. You are beautiful. Definitely not a dude!!! People are crazy if they think that. Also there is joy in your face which only adds to your beauty.

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  90. You’re beautiful!

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  91. Oh my gosh — I wish I looked like you! For what its worth, I’m intimidating to both men and women. I don’t know why. I don’t feel that way, but enough people have told me that I guess I am. I’m confident. And I don’t like frills, but I do like exotic. I have trouble talking to a lot of women because I can’t just talk about cleaning, cooking, children. Boring. I wish I could meet women who have opinions that are based on facts. Too many gather their opinions from FB and think it’s fact. And to top it off, I like sports! But, I never wanted to be a man.

    Liked by 1 person

  92. And a beautiful woman you are inside and out…nothing wrong with not being a frilly girl who is grateful for being who God made you to be. As a matter of fact, that’s simply perfect. God’s reasons and choices are always right.

    Liked by 1 person

  93. God made just he planned and you portray that beauty very well; live your life for Him and He will use you to His glory in many ways.

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  94. This is so good. Thanks for sharing your story. My heart breaks that Bruce had felt souch dissatisfaction with who he was. I pray he finds peace, and glad you’ve found yours.

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  95. God made you a “tomboy” and Caitlyn Jenner a woman trapped in a man’s body. There’s not really a comparison to be made there.

    Liked by 2 people

  96. You are so right. God does not make mistakes.

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  97. This was ordained by God for this very day! THANK YOU for writing it. May you be free of negative comments, and may all those who read it be inspired.

    Liked by 1 person

  98. thank you for sharing and for your faith in the God who made you a beautiful creation! You are beautiful!

    Liked by 1 person

  99. Wow what a wonderful story of how you chose to be what God called you to be. Thank you for sharing your story. God bless you!

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  100. LaVern……You are a beautiful woman…..inside and out…!!! You make me so proud to know that there are still some people who share your position …..out there in the world, who “stand up for God”..! I would never be “intimidated” by you or your height, even though I am not quite 5′ tall even…. May you continue to find fulfillment in your life and the lives of your family and loved ones….!!! May God bless us all….!!!

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  101. I’m sorry your life was at times difficult but in my eyes I find you to be the beautiful creation God had intended. My sister is a tomboy and I believe her to be beautiful too.

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  102. Hi LaVern,

    I appreciate your confession, but I do feel that one of the lessons you missed by not growing up in this particular age is that the things you mention that made you feel “masculine” really aren’t male things at all. There is nothing wrong with your womanhood because you don’t match a traditional sketch.

    It does sound like possibly you were made to feel masculine and still are on occasion because this world likes to set us false limits. Especially when it comes to gender. The Lord makes no mistakes, which means that if he gave a woman gifts, he means her to have them, whether they make her a scientist, a construction worker, a political leader, a mother, a nurse or anything else.

    As the neighborhood little girl who played wide receiver in a tutu,I do understand that sometimes you wish you were a boy so you could do the things you love without judgment. I believe we would all free our children and ourselves to serve the Lord more fully if we acknowledged that sometimes we’re so busy telling each other how to be a man or a woman that we block out God.

    I do also believe we should be careful in assuming that any of our experiences are the ones Caitlyn Jenner went through, lest we risk minimizing her life and her choices, as we would if we assumed we can speak to an Olympic athletes struggles based on the experience of working out every day.

    But thank you for your words and for listening to my two cents.

    Liked by 2 people

  103. Please keep in mind for every trans gender there is a parent out there Who loves their child, who gave birth to son who now believe he should be a female I can not begin to describe the pain and heart ache you feel for your child.

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  104. I think you are beautiful!!

    Liked by 1 person

  105. I stumbled across your post because a friend of mine posted it to her FB page. I think you are right on track. You know, if you look at nature, it’s very evident to see that God likes variety. Not all trees look the same. There are different leaves, needles, colors, types of bark. No two snowflakes are the same. Why would he stop at our personalities? Why would he make all girls “girly” and all boys “macho” and stop there? God does not make mistakes; we do. Girls may be girly, or “tomboyish”, or anything in between. It’s what is in our hearts, how we love God and others, how we treat one another, and how we follow Him that counts. And, by the way, when I look at your picture, I don’t see “a dude”. I see a woman; an attractive woman, with beautiful eyes, nice features, a pretty smile, and killer cheekbones. God made you beautiful. Keep up the good work. God Bless.

    Liked by 1 person

  106. As a fellow “tomboy” and having 8 brothers, being feminine was something I wanted, but never achieved. It just never worked. Thank you for reminding us that again, that “God don’t make no junk!”

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  107. BRAVO! I am a tomboy, never felt “girlie” totally female, never felt comfortable in my body. I Praise God that you have embraced your femaleness and yet still are wholly who you are, a tomboy! YEAH! Bless you!

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  108. You are Beautiful!!

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  109. This is beautiful, and you are beautiful! Thank you so much for sharing. I agree with Jenna Lang…..I don’t think liking “girly things” makes us more ‘girl’ any more than liking flannel shirts, blue jeans and muck boots makes us any less ‘girl’. We are not all Marilyn Monroes – thank goodness! None of which is really your point, and I couldn’t agree more with everything that you said, and it really boils down to the the very simple “God doesn’t make mistakes”. Bless you for sharing your heart.

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  110. You are beautiful! Thank you for sharing!

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  111. Really enjoyed reading this. Thank you for sharing.

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  112. This sounds like a gender neutral situation as opposed to transgender. I consider myself fairly gender neutral – which is more societal (not interested in things labeled as feminine) as opposed to biological. It’s not up to us, including you or me, to speak for God and his plan could include exactly what Jenner has done for herself and thousands like her. Science shows how easily the brain can mislabel a gender inside a human. It’s not going against God to correct that mislabeling just like it’s not going against God to have prosthetic limbs created for a body born without them. Technically, that person was, according to this theory, “supposed” to be born without limbs because that’s how God made them, but we do not think twice about corrective surgeries as the one mentioned.

    Liked by 3 people

  113. I’m glad this conversation is a national topic, since most people have little understanding about trans people, aside from friends, families and doctors.

    I don’t believe gender orientation is a religious issue. Different sects of Christianity have divergent views about it, as do other religions. People are what they are physically, and also psychologically, but the two aren’t identical aspects of being. Some cannot make those two things compatible, even after a lifetime of trying. You found a way to accept being “basically a dude”, and yet not. Bruce Jenner couldn’t, so AFTER fathering six kids by three different wives, at age 65 he decided to take steps to look more like who he feels he always was – basically a woman.

    I expect it took years of therapy to make the decision. Doctors won’t perform these kinds of surgeries without a lot of assurances that it’s what the patient needs for their psychological well-being.

    Liked by 1 person

  114. Love, LOVE this! I’m so glad that you shared your journey of accepting who God made you to be. Psalm 139

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  115. Don’t feel like the lone stranger LV…. my desire NOT to be a girl lasted till the first bra proved that was not gonna be a wish granted.. and I got over myself… all 6′ 230# of me. I’m intimidating (a good thing for a Game warden to be). and I’ve been strong.. and I like to work in the dirt… God didn’t make a mistake here either.

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  116. You are beautiful and i am do hlad uou stayed the way God wanted you to be..He has a special plan for you..it could even be telling your story. God bless you!

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  117. LaVern: This is so beautiful! Thank you for sharing. I agree with Stephanie on that first post. She’s correct! And correctly stated: God doesn’t make mistakes.

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  118. We have met several times and I would have never guessed you were lonely growing up. You are always so full of life and fun. Your life is proof that God, as always, has a perfect plan for our lives if we just trust him. And there in lies the problem, we are in a nation that knows less and less about trusting God and believing in his plan. You are a blessing to all who know you.

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  119. Thank you for sharing from your heart and letting God be God.

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  120. Laverne– I was so touched by your honest writing. May God continue to bless you and your family abundantly!!

    I am also a tomboy. I have been since I was born. I never found girl toys amusing or fun I always loved to play with blocks and erector sets. My poor mom didn’t know what to do with me because I hated wearing dresses and playing with dolls.

    I identified with you when you wrote that you have a hard time identifying with other women. I, too, have often felt lost at all female social functions. Afternoon Tea isn’t my thing. I’d rather be at a college football game with my husband. 🙂

    I feel as if I identified with a sister from another mother.

    Thanks again for your heart felt openness.

    You are a beautiful women inside and out!

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  121. Omg, I havebeen saying this same thing all my life. … black belt in karate, hate women drama, got married had kids, work hard. … I want to be out mowing the lawn not doing dishes or laundry. I don’t want to play dolls, but kickball. I can so relate! Great article! !!

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  122. I’m afraid none of you “get it”: there is a difference between gender and sex and there is a difference between being a tomboy (a girl who doesn’t fit into social norms) and being intersexed and/or transgender. Children who are intersexed or transgendered don’t *wish* they are a gender, they *know* they are a gender, and often from a very young age.
    Genetic disorders exist, cancers exist, a whole host of things can go wrong w. the body, so yes, “God” does make mistakes.
    It’s nice that you are so loving in your assessment of Caitlyn (the online comments have been harsh), but you just don’t understand. I would suggest reading “As Nature Made Him: The Boy Who Was Raised as a Girl” (Fascinating read!). 1 out of every 100 births is an intersexed baby. The outsides don’t match what their chromosomes say. Or the baby has both male and female sex organs. It happens more than people realize.

    Liked by 5 people

  123. I have never been to your blog before or heard of you before today, but this post was spot on! So many people can relate to this and I appreciate you sharing your experience! Like you, I was lucky to grow up in the family and upbringing that I did as well. I absolutely believe we are making things far more confusing and complicated for our kids than we need to, by causing them to question things they don’t even need to question (and probably wouldn’t have thought to a few generations ago). Why don’t we just broaden our definition of what it means to be a girl or a boy or straight instead of throwing out the definition altogether and making us all the same–taking away all our identity?!

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  124. Oh My!!! It sounds like you have followed my around my whole life writing my story. I was jealous of boys, they had a way better life and I thought I should be one. I hated dresses and pink anything. At 12 years old I wanted to move to New York and join a woman’s football league. I lived for baseball and softball as a young adult. Some said I was tough enough to “eat rocks”. But I was also a very good sport and loved being nice to people.
    I arm wrestled guys in my high school years.
    I to was blessed to fall in live and marry a great loving man that I actually enjoyed getting dressed up for.
    Thirty years of marriage and four kids later, life is good and pink is no longer my enemy😄

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  125. So helpful to see more clearly that the God God of the Universe caused each one of His creation to be unique and beautiful in His eyes for His pleasure. Such a needed post!

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  126. What a beautiful woman and a Tomboy!! Perfect combination!

    Liked by 1 person

  127. This is the only thing I have shared on the controversy. It spoke to me. I, too, as an adolescent sometimes wanted to be a boy, and I agree whole-heartedly with the what ifs. Excellent article.

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  128. Reblogged this on Millennial Talk.

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  129. That was awesome..glad you was raised to know God makes no mistakes.. That’s the key..

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  130. great post! you look totally feminine to me. you are also very pretty. I am a “girlie girl” I guess, but I love working outside and “getting my very small hands dirty”. thanks for sharing……….

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  131. LaVerne, I’m not sure what you saw then or what you see now in the mirror but you are one gorgeous woman and a very pretty face as a young girl. And I’m thinking that Wonder Woman, is always depicted as a beautiful Amazon. I think you favor Gabrielle Reece, who is also jaw-dropping beautiful, not a “girlie girl”, but a strong athlete. Anyhow I’m glad you have embraced the rare beauty God made you to be. A beautiful woman.

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  132. You’re beautiful! Enjoy your life!

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  133. Glad to stayed true to yourself!! God always knows what he is doing!! You are a very beautiful woman!!

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  134. You were a very pretty little girl, a gorgeous young lady and a beautiful woman!! And you are correct, His does NOT make mistakes!! Happy to read how blessed your marriage has been – although you did not know, God had the perfect mate for you!!

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  135. LaVerne, honest and beautiful … just like you.

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  136. You are beautiful. Thank you for breaking the mold. I am a woman who loves to be strong, physically fit and athletic. All while sporting polished nails.

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  137. I have my share of challenges physically but you are correct: God really makes no mistakes. I too am glad I grew up in the era I did and not these now. The biggest challenge to people now is Social Progressivism, “the view that as time progress so should societal morality. Social progressives advocate for morality to be based on advancements in Science and philosophy, rather than religious dogma.” That seems to be the fuel to the fire of politics and social order changes.

    I’m frankly sad for those who buy into it. Though the attribute goes to many its often associated with the late Peter Marshall, a pastor in the 1940s and 1950s who said “You better believe in something (as in God and theology) or you are likely going to fall for anything.” I suspect that is at the core of Jenner. That and the promise of millions from his own reality series. Faust made a similar deal. Many, sadly do. For most life is not happier. In fact quite the opposite.

    Glad you chose otherwise. Chose well too.

    I’ve not been so lucky but I have been blessed. Although never married I’ve wanted a monogamous long tern relationship since very young. I think in my case it was a combination of the defect (unable to father children) and F. Scott Fitzgerald’s GATSBY where ‘rich’ (or) pretty girls don’t marry poor (or common) boys. I was also shy due to the defect and early childhood sexual abuse. It just made life confusing. (Between the 1st and 2nd grades by young man neighbor and Pedophiles around the 3rd to 4th grades). Many in my neighborhood were then and yet some not at all. Theologically its been hard to fathom and yet even those with so called perfect lives do not always live them out in perfection either.

    In some ways it was the eras I grew up in, situations and negative influences that took hold when mentors were few. Still, I’d not trade any of it for the route Jenner went. Not for all the money or fame in the world. I’d rather walk it out with Jesus now as a writer and remain optimist ‘all things work together for good – for those who love God.’

    I remember a cartoon in a Men’s Urological magazine of two men standing at a urinal. One says ‘Man, you must be popular with the ladies.’ The other answers ‘I’d trade it for yours if it just worked right.’ Point is we all have something and if not physical than emotional or one of the other two. Like you I’ve been grateful God was clearer to and for me. I still don’t have all the answers but the eternal optimist there is a special woman out there who would value a man like me and I no dobut her

    Exceptional story. Thanks for sharing it..

    God bless-

    Liked by 1 person

  138. This could have been my story too! I’m about average height for a girl, but always wished I was a boy until about middle school. I even got a boy’s haircut in 4th grade, and hoped people would think I was one. I ran around in the woods, and wore camo, and took the term tomboy to be a high compliment 🙂 Looking back, a lot of it was due to my insecurity around other girls my age. I was a quiet kid, easily affected by gossip (which girls are worse about than boys), so I decided I liked boys better. I also think part of it was my attraction for boys starting to form, and my youthfully misinterpreting that as a desire to BE a boy. But God was gracious to me too, and I now love being a woman. I’ve incorporated some pink into my wardrobe and now dress pretty girly, but I’m an engineer and still feel uncomfortable sometimes in large gatherings of all women (especially when they’re giggling). However, I have a deep longing in my heart for a husband, and I do not misinterpret my personality as actually being male. Like you, though, I wonder what would have happened to me if I grew up in today’s culture.

    Thanks so much for sharing, and by the way, your picture is beautiful!

    Liked by 2 people

  139. Thanks LaVern for sharing your story. It resonated with me on so many levels….grew up on a farm, never played with dolls and was always out in nature…. I too being nearly 6 feet, straight as a board, with no hips and curves, often wondered if I was supposed to have been a boy. I even remember asking my mom if at birth I was some sort of freak that they needed to choose which sex to make me….(no lie). From that point on owning my womanhood grew easier…but what I struggled even more to accept was my highly sensitive nature. Something I spent the good part of my life fighting, denying, trying to cure myself, trying to fix, or out wit my highly sensitive nature….but my highly sensitive nature is not an imperfection…it is my gift and slowly and surely I am learning to embrace it as my greatest asset. Thanks for sharing truth that goes beyond just the gender issue.

    Liked by 2 people

  140. I soo loved your story. I can so relate. I would rather be in the garden on the tractor, using the chainsaw…but God made me a women. Thank you for encouraging me.
    Carolyn S

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  141. Laverne, you are beautiful – inside and out! Thank you for your sweet honest statements!

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  142. What a wonderful point of view from such a beautiful woman! I agree that we need to love those around us. Who knows what the person beside us may be dealing with!

    Liked by 1 person

  143. Thankful to have stumbled upon this. Trying to assure my son that God does not ever make mistakes.

    Liked by 2 people

  144. This is a wonderful post! I really think you touch on the heart of this issue when making these confusing issues accessible to children.

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  145. I love this so much. You have given me so much hope.

    Liked by 1 person

  146. well written from your heart and I appreciate your willingness to share, as a “tomboy” myself, I identify in many ways, but am completely a woman. As a mother who raised her children to love the Lord, I struggle with one who has chose to live a life with another young woman, and it breaks my heart. I am constantly seeming to defend my morals, and balancing showing them both Christ love for them.

    Liked by 1 person

  147. God bless you… I am so sorry for what you went through as a child. People pour their heart out to me a lot and far too often their story is much likes yours. People who don’t have experience with abuse would be stunned at how much of it went on back in the day. The coverage today does make it easier to stop the abuse I think. I am not sure but I think we shine a light on it more now but then we have the child trafficking issues that seem to be larger issues now… anyway… thank you for sharing… for reading my story and walking with Jesus 🙂 God bless brother! LaVern

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  148. And can you believe all those people born with deformities and stuff that try to get them surgically corrected? What are they thinking? God doesn’t make mistakes! Why can’t they just be happy and thankful to live just how they were made?

    In all seriousness, you have a beautiful testimony. The same way Caitlyn Jenner has a beautiful testimony and the same way everyone reading this blog has a beautiful testimony. Because one of the greatest gifts God gives us is our uniqueness – and one path/story doesn’t fit all, but we can all have a loving, fulfilling relationship with God and each other.

    Kelly

    Liked by 3 people

  149. Well written. And beauty is beyond skin. But yes, you’re beautiful.
    Mom of 4. Married 25 yrs.

    Liked by 1 person

  150. From one tomboy to another, YES! Great post!

    Liked by 1 person

  151. This story blessed my heart! I have never had those feelings but appreciate your insight as a mother, Christian ,friend and human walking in an imperfect world!!! Blessings!!

    Toni

    Liked by 2 people

  152. If you followed Bruce/Caitlyn’s story you would know that it has nothing to do with sex. Bruce was attracted to women his entire life, has made a point to say he still is, and as of now still has him male anatomy. Your point about sex is completely irrelevant in his/her case.

    Liked by 3 people


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